Our daughter has been dying to have a horse for as long as I can remember.... she asked, she pleaded, she begged... but I was petrified. This is a HUGE animal that I know nothing about. I'm kind of afraid of big animals. Then she met darling Paisley and they played "horses" almost every day at school. In the most unbearable of moments, she (we all) lost Paisley and she became Arielle's angel. Losing Paisley intensified Arielle's yearning for a horse. She wrote stories about Paisley and Wally. She drew pictures of "her horse". And she began to dress the part - the riding jeans, the belt, the hat... the only thing she was missing was the horse. And then along came Christine, my lifelong friend, and now, co-soccer mom.
Day one at soccer and Christine's got the "perfect" horse for us. I ask, like, a billion questions. And my anxiety is peaking already.... I cannot possibly think of how we can do something this HUGE. Chris says we can try the horse out. I'm secretly hoping that Matt says NO, but he DOESN'T. Doesn't he know that I don't really want to do this, I'm only asking because I want him to be the bad guy? And then, just like that, Chris has the horse delivered to her house for a 10 day trial.
Arielle is over the moon, but I'm preparing her for the fact that we probably won't be able to buy this horse. Where would we put it? What does it eat? How the hell do we take care of it? We don't know the first thing about horses. Does she realize how insane this is?
As we drive to Christine's, I am literally telling myself to "calm the fuck down" because my heart is racing. When I drive into Chris' driveway, everything is familiar. My childhood friend's home looks exactly the same as it always did. Except it doesn't, because I have to drive down to the riding arena and I am so out of my element here it's not even funny! I'm asking myself questions like, "where should I park? To the left where there are no cars? Or to the right with the other vehicles and horse trailers? What if I'm in someone's way?". I choose left. There are no cars over here. I text Chris.... we're here. She doesn't answer. Now what? Do I just sit in the car? I have to look confident in front of Arielle. I need to show her that she doesn't need to be scared of new things. But I'm freaking out. "Do I look stupid? Am I wearing the right clothes for this?". Chris texts back and says to head down to the arena and she'll be there shortly.
And there he is... Frankie. You know the moments on TV where the angels sing "Hallelujah" and the sun shines through the clouds just perfectly? It's like that. This horse is big. And beautiful. Or handsome. Whatever. He takes my breath away. And my baby girl's face lights up.
Christine is a true pro. Wow! She teaches Arielle how to walk around him, how to brush him, what all the parts of his big, huge, beautiful body are.... and she is simply amazing with Arielle. I've known her my entire life and I have never seen this professional side of her. This friend that I have admired and looked up to for 40 years has just as much charisma with little girls and horses as she does with adults. Maybe more. I'm awestruck.
And for a moment I think I can do this. I can figure this out. I'm smart and kind and I love animals. .... and then something awful happens. His dink comes out! And Christine tells us it needs to be cleaned. What. the. actual. fuck???? Christine tells Arielle, "you've gotta clean his dinker.". And her face.... is shockingly HILARIOUS! I'm thinking that this is definitely going to be deal breaker for her. Thank GOD!
We get home and she's all smiles. Like ear to ear type and just cannot wait to tell her dad. I feel like puking. All I can see is that god awful (HUGE) dink. She beams as she tells her dad every detail of our visit - every tiny tidbit about Frankie. And then I remind her of "THE INCIDENT". But she doesn't even flinch.... and oh my god, what am I going to do????? She doesn't even care about THAT???
After the kids are asleep, Matt and I lay in bed and talk about this decision we most clearly have to make. I tell him I'm scared to death of this. But he is the confident man that I love and depend on and assures me that we'll be okay - Chris will teach us. And the decision is made that we want this horse. Frankie. The guy who is about to change our whole world.
Fast forward three months..... I know where to park at the riding arena now. My heart doesn't pound out of my chest every time I enter the arena. The ladies at the arena are some of my favorite people in this world - they are open, accepting, helpful, fun and are quickly becoming people I can feel very, very comfortable with. I reconnected in an amazing way with Christine, who has always been like a sister to me. But now, we have another bond over a horse named "Frankie Anderson Painter Spencer". We belong here, at Laz-E-P Equine Centre. I feel it. I'm overwhelmed by it and it is literally bringing tears to my eyes as I look back and see what we've learned and the fears I've overcome in a short three months.
We brought Frankie home two nights ago. We know how to brush him, saddle him, feed him, clean his hooves, and LOVE the shit out of him! (We don't know how to clean the DINK yet.... but we'll learn. Insert huge EYE ROLL here.) Matt worked his ass off preparing a spot for him. We bought a horse trailer and it's the cutest little thing you ever did see! We went to gymkhana, and I didn't even know what that was 2 months ago! Arielle can rock the poles for a little girl who just learned to ride. Even I've ridden him. And now I can lope without screaming.
Five years ago, this would never have been possible. I would never have entered that barn, even though my lifelong friend was standing by my side. My anxiety would have overcome me and I could not have done this for my baby girl. Thanks to the right medication, the right friend who called me out on needing help, and the love and support I have from my husband and my family, I was able to push past the anxiety, walk through those barn doors, and make a dream come true. <3
