Trauma and Tenacity: Swingle Clinic Part II

We've been in Vancouver for a week now and it's been a great experience so far.  We've re-connected with several people we met in the waiting room last time (in the waiting room) and it's been nice to touch base and see how they are making out.  We are trying to get into the city groove as much as we can and the weather has been cooperating with us, for the most part.

Nate was sad to find out that the majority of his appointments would be working on reading.  I wasn't aware either and when I found out, I was worried about how it would go.  It has been surprisingly great!  Nate's sessions include wearing glasses that flicker lights when his brain waves are not in the ideal state.  When they get to the desired levels, the lights turn off and a sort of "white noise" can be heard through the headphones he is wearing.  The idea is to frustrate him a tiny bit while in a learning environment so his brain learns what to do.  Reading is tricky for Nate because of his learning disability, so this type of biofeedback can be very successful for him if all goes well.  

The first few days here were rough on me.  Nate was very defiant and saying, "NO" to everything I asked of him.  He was grouchy and uncooperative, which is unlike him.  I always tell people that I usually just have to "look at him mean-like" and he does what I ask.  However, the first few days were completely different!  I discussed this abnormality with Dr. Swingle who explained to me that they were working on the frontal part of his brain associated with persistence and they may have "over corrected".  Dr. Swingle was on top of it and, after seeing Nate, assured me that this was the case and that they had taken care of it.  And, sure enough, they did!  No more defiance.  Not even once since that moment.

I'm having many proud mommy moments as all of the technicians have told me what an enjoyable and cooperative young man he is.  *sigh.... my heart swells*  Several have also told me how much his reading has improved already since last week!  I can't wait to see if this transfers to his classroom environment.

When we leave our sessions, Nate is noticeably happier than when we went in.  (I wonder if it's because we are STILL climbing six floors of stairs to get to each appointment?)  I have also noticed that his anger spells have decreased SIGNIFICANTLY and when he does get angry, he is very quick to apologize.  I can tell he is truly concerned about how I feel and wants me to know that he is very sorry for what he's said or done.  It makes me feel relief.  I can see his happiness shining through and isn't that all we ever want for our kids?  Their happiness?

As for me, I'm experiencing treatments first-hand, although, they are much different than Nate's.  The first on my list was to tackle the trauma marker at the back of my brain.  Dr. Swingle felt it was very important to increase the Alpha waves here and have my brain release the emotions related to the trauma.  All of the technicians explained to me that if I had any emotional "outbursts" just to recognize the feelings and sit with them.  I felt prepared.  My treatments consisted of closing my eyes and listening to some relaxing music.  When my Alpha waves increased above a certain threshold, I would hear a soft horn.  I was told to passively listen to the horn.  I am not one to be able to take a nap but I must have almost fallen asleep 5 times in my first session.  I say "almost" because the technicians cannot allow me to sleep or the treatment isn't effective.  It's so absolutely relaxing.... and I am thinking about the last time I sat and relaxed for 45 straight minutes without looking at my phone or being interrupted by a child (or husband).  It makes me realize that I definitely need more of this in my life.  And I mean daily.

The second night, as I'm laying in bed next to Nate and just staring at him (you know that creepy mom-stare you do when you are thinking that you had NO IDEA that you could love a human being THIS much?), when I start to cry.  Like sob.  And suddenly I have this thought of this HUGE fight Matt and I had when Nate was around two.  (Sidenote - Matt and I have since learned how to "fight" properly and keep in mind that this was pre-medication and a full-blown mental illness for this girl.  I'm not apologizing for this by any means.  Matt and I still fight.  We think it's important but now we do it "right".)  It was a full-on screaming tantrum with psychotic Terri throwing things... that broke....  And suddenly my baby boy was wrapping his arms around my legs and pleading, "Sorry Mommy, Sorry Mommy" repeatedly.  He thought it was his fault and in that instant, my heart broke.  Of course I explained to him how mommies and daddies sometimes have fights and that it had nothing to do with him, but I felt deep grief and guilt in that moment.  I hadn't thought of that in years, but suddenly here it was.... and I was sobbing.  This may or may not be my trauma marker... it's not what I thought it might be.  But it affected me deeply.  And since then, Dr. Swingle has informed me that I have numerous trauma markers that we will be dealing with.

After that first night, I have had several of the same treatments and no emotional issues.  We have now switched it up and are working on increasing Theta waves which will correspondingly increase my stress tolerance.  The treatment is more like Nate's this time - flickering lights and white noise.  Not as relaxing, but still 45 minutes of "Terri Time".  I'm enjoying it.

I will say that I haven't noticed a big change in myself.  Having said that, I'm realistic.  I'm in artificial circumstances right now.  Nate and I are living a pretty relaxed existence.  I'm still working when I can get a decent internet connection but there is no morning routine, I am sleeping in, I don't have to rush to work, there are not numerous drives in and out of town on often icy roads, there are no skating practices to deal with, no grumpy daughter issues, no lunches to make.... you get the idea!  I'm excited to see how I do in the real world.

Nate and I are utterly exhausted (wow... now I get it!).  And we have a whole week to go!  Yesterday we sat around the apartment instead of going to Science World.  Nate built Lego, we played a few games, we watched a movie and we had tacos.  We are now counting down the number of appointments until Matt and Arielle come visit us this Friday.  Our plans include Science World and the Canucks game!  #weareallcanucks

In the meantime, we are going to enjoy our little vacation from "lifing".  I've told Nate how immensely proud of him I am for working so hard on his reading.  I'm recognizing every little change.  I'm also remembering that when we get home there will be hard work to be done breaking behavioral habits.  But, we are going to nail it.  Watch us.

What is a Swingle Clinic?

Nate and I are currently spending two weeks in Vancouver while he attends appointments at the Swingle Clinic.  As my awesome friend Phoebe asked, "What is a Swingle Clinic?".... I got thinking that the more people I can tell about this clinic, the more people might possibly be helped!  So here goes!

We were introduced to the Swingle Clinic last spring by a friend who had taken her child to Vancouver to have treatments.  I googled the clinic and once I read about Dr. Swingle's history and training, I was sold!  We made appointments for October 2016 and next thing I knew, we were on our way!

We arrive at the Clinic and the first step for Nate is a 19 point brain map.  The brain map identifies areas of the brain where the brainwaves are not functioning at optimal levels.  The technician, Stef, attaches 19 monitors to Nate's head through a special cap.  Once these are attached, we can see his brainwaves on the screen.  Stef leads Nate through a series of exercises where he keeps his eyes open, closes his eyes, or performs a task, such as a math problem.  Once the testing is done, the data is analyzed and we meet with Dr. Swingle.

Dr. Swingle is an elderly gentleman dressed in slacks, a button-up shirt, and suspenders.  His office is decorated with certificates in psychology, biofeedback, and neurology, and many others.  We instantly feel at home, as he jokes around with Nate.  He proceeds to look at the numbers and describe Nate to me as if he has known him as long as I have.  It's incredible, really.

As it turns out, Nate has certain areas of the brain where the waves are not at optimal levels (as we all do).  Some of the characteristics of his measured levels are his unwillingness to let things go, his predisposition to depression, his difficulty with reading, writing, and spelling, and his inability to regulate his emotional responses.  We also learn, that although it is just a label, Nate also has Attention Deficit Disorder.  Dr. Swingle has treatments designed to help bring the brainwaves closer to their ideal levels.  And that's what we are here for!

The next step for Nate is to see a technician.  And here is where I wouldn't have believed how powerful the brain is if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes!  Nate is attached to some monitors and sits in front of a screen.  The technician monitors Nate's brainwaves while he plays a game.  But he does not play this game with his hands.... he is literally playing it with his brain!  He likes the game that simulates Pacman the best.  Here's the kicker... Nate's brainwaves must be at certain thresholds in order for his Pacman to move.  When it moves, he hears an audio response.  As such, his brain is rewarded in two ways!  It's quite mind-blowing!  This process is called Biofeedback for the Brain.

We spend two weeks in Vancouver and Nate attends three appointments a day.  By the last day, we know everyone at the clinic and Nate has some favorite technicians.  The people involved with this clinic are phenomenal!  And so is Nate - he's reached level 60+ in the pacman game!  He's exhausted and we are both ready to head home and leave rainy Vancouver behind us!

Almost immediately upon returning home, we notice that Nate is still quick to have emotional reactions, but he has an almost as quick realization of his reaction.  He quickly apologizes for reacting in anger.  And he does this every time!  We have realized that even though his brain has changed, he has some behaviors that need to be dealt with.  This we can work on!  In addition to what we notice, his teachers notice that he can more easily deal with tough situations without shutting down.  This is HUGE for Nate.  Our family notices that he is talking a lot more and he has a lot of fun things to say!  Matt and I notice a definite willingness to read small bits of writing all on his own!  And his reading has improved!  All very positive changes for our big guy and the rest of the family!

All of this is justification to attend the clinic again, so here we are back in Vancouver!  Dr. Swingle has indicated that nothing is "going sideways on us", which I think means we are seeing good progress.  Something new has emerged as well - Nate has what Dr. Swingle calls the "Artist's Signature".  This means he has the ability to visually see things through.  He strongly feels that Nate's artistic ability has not "shone" because it hasn't had a chance to being that Nate's anxiety levels have been so high.  I'm looking forward to seeing this in the future as his other learning areas become easier for him.  He is currently working hard on reading (his least favorite thing to do).

I figured that while we are here, I've got my own work to do!  Yesterday I had a brain map done (a five point brain map for me) and I learned a lot!  Turns out I have a trauma marker, likely a very old one.  I don't, of course, know what this trauma was, but I could probably nail it down to one of two things that I'm not ready to blog about just yet.  In addition, I have markers for stress, difficulty sleeping, short term and visual memory problems, obsessions and perfectionism.  My Alpha, Beta, and Theta waves should look like this:

-------
         -------
                   -------

But they actually look like this:

--------  -------  ---------

Interesting, isn't it?

Yesterday I began treatments to increase the Alpha waves at the back of my brain and release the emotional trauma stored there.  Last night I bawled like a baby at a silly movie.  Today I am just plain exhausted.  Plus it is rainy and gloomy here, which doesn't help.

In my adventures with the clinic, I have met some really awesome people in the waiting room.  Kerry at the office remembers me because I am "the one that talks to everyone".  I'm not sure what she's getting at here.  ;-)

Some of the stories I've heard are incredible.  I spoke to a man about my age who was in a workplace accident and was hit in the head by a piece of steel.  He suffered endless migraine headaches to the point where he physically could not function.  He was not active in his role as husband and father and spent his life on the couch.  He lost all physical strength and couldn't so much as pick something up.  He was considering taking his own life when someone told him about the Swingle Clinic.  As of the time we spoke, he was physically stronger and was only experiencing about one migraine headache a week.  He was given his life back and was incredibly grateful.

I also met a lady who had experienced physical and emotional abuse her entire life.  She felt completely worthless and was taking large doses of anti-depressants to function.  She was in her sixties.  After receiving treatments, she told me it was the first time in her life that she felt self-love.  She was working on reducing her anti-depressants dosages and living happily without contemplating suicide on a daily basis.

I share these stories because they impacted me and made me see the versatility of what biofeedback for the brain can treat.  Dr. Swingle treats everything from anxiety and depression to head trauma to neurological conditions, such as autism.  It is not a cure, by any means.  However, we are grateful because in a time where we needed help and we didn't know where else to turn, the Swingle Clinic was introduced to us.  We have seen changes in Nate that I don't think we could have accomplished any other way.  Nate may "hate" coming here for the hard work it brings, but I hope that someday he will thank us!  As one of the doctors said.... "I will throw anything and everything at my child in hopes that it will work.  About 70% of it probably will.  The other 30% probably won't and maybe it's simply crazy.  But at least we tried everything".